Elmosploitation

Elmo needs a new Mommy.

His eyes helplessly peered at me from shoe aisle at Target last week when I was shopping. I stopped in my tracks when I saw that he was now hawking imitation Vans, and I truly felt sorry for him, but I made myself put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

I had to program myself to ignore Elmo about two years ago, when Satchel was two. At that time, he innocently started his day off with Sesame Street and was a serious Elmo devotee. He wore a fuzzy red Elmo sweatshirt (compliments of his grandmother) everyday and could eat an entire box of Elmo fruit snacks in one sitting (if given the opportunity). Based on the ingredients (fruit juice from concentrates, corn syrup, sugar, modified corn starch, contains 2% or less of: pectin, citric acid, dextrose, sodium citrate, vitamin C, malic acid, mineral oil, potassium citrate, color, natural & artificial flavor, carnauba wax, sulfiting agents, beeswax), I’d call them “fruit” snacks at best. I learned then that Elmo could not be trusted and that I would have to closely monitor my son's love affair.

However, when I saw Elmo waving at me from the shelves of the Giant Natural Foods Store out East I had to do a double take. Had my dream of Elmo hawking something nutritious actually come true? Was he using his power for good instead of evil? I had to know.

I walked over and took a look at the box he was fronting. Earth’s Best brand graham crackers, cheese crackers, oatmeal, cereal o’s, and snack bars.

That’s it? That’s the best you can do Elmo?

I was livid. Since when have parents had a hard time getting their kids to eat graham crackers or 0’s? So what if they are organic? I mean, really. I’m so glad that multimillion dollar corporations (in this case, Heinz) are buying up smaller natural foods companies! Honestly, I’d much rather spend my hard earned cash on organic produce that is going to rot in the refrigerator than buy any of that Earth’s Best crap.

Once I calmed down, I tried to look at things from Elmo’s perspective. The dude is 3 years-old. Is he really to blame? Like MUBAR, I wanted to believe there were evil forces at work behind the endless product placement, but in general, I think Sesame Street is trying to do something good. Afterall, they did just launch an entire Healthy Habits campaign in which the show is going to present healthy choices to its viewers.

Here’s the M.O.
In the beginning of each episode, a famous person shares a bit of health advice. Along with the "Healthy Moments," the new season will feature all-new Muppet "street" scenes, like, "The Healthy Foods Name Game," and "American Fruit Stand," Sesame's take on the 50s variety series that features a singing Miles rhapsodizing about the nutritional benefits of fruits and vegetables. Other segments include a song entitled, "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food," where Hoots the Owl explains that there are anytime foods (fruits and veggies) and sometimes foods. Additionally, every other show will feature a "Health Module;" a cluster of four segments related to health, exercise and nutrition.

Ok fine. That sounds like a good first step.

But the insane cross-promotion of the campaign, while effective, is just another reminder of how this country is really controlled by a bunch of rich, white guys. Look at Elmo with Emeril and (eek!) Bill Frist!

And don’t worry, Elmo has lots of new products to go along with his Healthy Habits message.

Sesame Street says it was motivated to do the Healthy Habits campaign because, according the Centers for Disease Control, up to 30 percent of kids are overweight--and childhood obesity has more than doubled since 1980. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the most often stated reasons for this is the fact that kids today spend too much time watching television and eating processed foods.

Does anyone else see the irony, excuse me Elmosploitation, here? Somebody call Child Protective Services!