A Day at the Races

I’ve been taking half-days on Fridays to go skating. (The derby requires that we get in at least two hours of skating on our own in addition to standard Tuesday practices.) Last week a couple of other rollergirls met me at East End to practice jumping, stopping, and falling.

We were busy practicing our moves when this little blonde girl in a blue leotard sped past us. I had seen her many times at the 0-10 lessons on Saturdays. She was one of the ballerinas, but she definitely had a good chance of a career in speed skating. “Dang, she’s fast!” I said to Chow Pain. “Maybe I should challenge her to a race!”

“Are you serious?” Chow Pain asked, embarrassed to know me, I’m sure.

“No, I guess not” I said. I really wanted to, but I was too shy to ask.

A little while later, I noticed the other rollergirl, Judge Red, talking to Little Blue Leotard by the video games. Before I knew it, Judge Red was on the floor racing her.

“Oh my god, look!” I said to Chow Pain.

We both watched as Little Blue Leotard skated circles around Judge Red. (In Judge Red’s defense, she was breaking in new skates.)

“Now I have to race her,” I said as my competitive side took over.

I made my way over to the other side of the rink to challenge Little Blue Leotard. She was more than happy to oblige and quickly pointed out where the starting line was.

“Okay,” I said. “No cheating. You have to go around all of the cones.”

“Okay,” she said, nodding.

We lined up, toe stops on the floor, crouched and ready.

“One, two three, go!” Judge Red announced and we were off. Little Blue Leotard and I were neck in neck for about twenty paces and I realized I needed to go full speed.

As I started to pass her, Little Blue Leotard screamed, “You’re cheating!” She was clearly not used to losing. She did what any smart five-year-old who wanted to win would do and cut across the middle of the floor.

Now I knew my chances of winning were slim, but I kept going. I crouched down lower and cut as close to the cones as I could on my crossover and picked up some speed as I rounded the second bend.

As I passed Little Blue Leotard, she looked stunned. She pumped her short little legs as fast as she could, her blue skirt flapping hard behind her.

I had a brief moment where I thought I should let her win, but at that point, stopping was out of the question from a physics standpoint. And I really wanted to beat her!

As I sailed across the finish line, I imagined the derby announcer saying, “Smashimi, the Memphis Roller Derby’s best jammer, scores again!”

Before I had a chance to bask in the glory of my big win, Little Blue Leotard sped past me and said, “You have to do two laps!”