Unanswerable Questions

We were almost home when Satchel, my very inquisitive four-year-old, asked, “Mama, how old is a tornado?”

“Zero,” I said without skipping a beat.

“How old is a tornado?” he said again with feeling.

“Ze-ro,” I said slowly, wondering why on earth we were talking about tornados on a warm, sunny day.

“No, how many years does a tornado have?” he asked like I was the thickest person on the planet.

Clearly I was going to have to offer some explanation. “Tornados are born when there is a storm and then they die right after,” I said.

“BUT HOW OLD ARE THEY?” he demanded again, agitated.

“THEY DON’T LIVE MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES, HONEY,” I said a little agitated myself.

Then I remembered that when Satchel and I went into Jiro’s class to get him, the teacher was commenting that one of the kid’s drawings on the etch-a-sketch looked like a tornado. Thanks a lot, Ms. Cece!

“How do they die?” he asked a little happier now.

“They just blow up into a million pieces,” I said.

“But they can’t blow our house up, right? he asked.

“Right,” I lied.

“But if they did blow up our house everything would catch on fire, right?” he asked.

“Right,” I said. (Why did I say right!?)

I was completely certain at this point that I had failed to somehow turn this conversation into a “teachable moment.”

“And the puppies would blow up too?” he asked with a little too much delight in his voice.

“Uh-huh.”

“But not us, right?” he asked, thankfully, a little concerned now.

“Right.”

He sat quietly for a few moments, seemingly content. The he said, “But how many minutes do the tornados have?”

“About fifteen,” I said.

“NO THEY DON’T!” he screamed mad again.

“Thirty?” I tried.

“NOT THIRTY!!” he screamed madder.

“A hundred?” I tried again.

“NU-UH! THEY HAVE GOOGLE MINUTES!” he informed me.

A few weeks ago Warren told me that google is actually a real number. (I thought it was just a made up internet word.) I have often answered many unanswerable questions with “google.”

“Oh that’s right,” I said, clearly ready to wrap this up. “A tornado does have google minutes! You are so smart!”

Again he seemed placated.

I exhaled.

As I parked the car, he said “But how big is google?”