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11:00am On the road again.
11:01am Jiro says, "I want to go to the playground."
11:21am We are seriously in the middle of nowhere with no gas. Have a silent panic attack and use every muscle in my body to control my lips so that I don't blurt out, "I told you we should have gotten gas yesterday when we stopped for drinks."
11:35am I see Casey's General Store and Gas Station! Thank you baby Jesus. Filled up tank and purchased gum and wacky packages stickers (remember those?). Jiro says, "Playground!" and points to someone's yard nearby.
11:59am Pass a giant cross someone has planted on the 2 lane highway that has a painting of a fetus in the middle of it and a sign that reads "American Holocaust: 55 million babies."
12:48pm Satchel has a mini tantrum but it is quelled with the "Best of Schoolhouse Rocks" CD.
1:21pm I call a moratorium on tornado questions. (The latest batch was spurred by our announcement that we were visiting "Dorothy's House" in Liberal, Kansas.)
1:22pm Break out Blo Pops from the reunion.
1:24pm Warren and I have an argument about the Little House on the Prairie books in which he informs me that they are for girls. However, Warren made it clear that he is not a sexist, Laura Ingalls Wilder is. "Why did she write about having tow sisters then?" he asked. "And why did she make the covers so girlie?" Boys apparently only read Jupiter Jones and the Three Investigators and Encyclopedia Brown and the Hardy Boys. When I tell him girls read the Hardy Boys too, he replies, "The Hardy Boys are wussies anyway." I give up.
1:26pm Warren gives Satchel a lesson on mirages.
1:28pm Both kids return their Blo Pops uneaten. ???
1:43pm Jiro starts to have a breakdown. My head is absolutely bulging. I want to have a breakdown too. Apparently we all do.
1:50pm We all give in and breakdown.
2:10pm Angie Rolie calls me with Roller Derby news!
2:15pm Jiro thankfully falls asleep. Everyone needs to pee. Satchel starts up with more questions like "What does Dorothy look like?"
2:52pm Satchel says, "It takes a long time to get out of Kansas and I can't handle it!" I laugh but cry on the inside a little as I hear myself in his words.)
3:00pm We must wake Jiro up because we are at the Dorothy House! The kitchiest tourist trap EVER! We pay $5 for the tour of Dorothy's House and "Oz" and force the children to pose for pictures. (Yes, Satchel chose to travel in his PJs.)
We learn that the young teen dressed as Dorothy takes her job very seriously and delivers all of her lines with feeling and four of the original munchkins visit Liberal, Kansas each year for "Ozfest" (which I hear is Ozsome)! Also Ronald and nancy Reagan have never visited, but they did request a brick on the yellow brick road.
4:20pm On the road again with McDonald's belly. Fuck you Disney and your "Cars" movie and your Happy Meal tie-ins!
4:34pm Satchel says, "I feel like I am going to throw up." I hand him his empty Happy Meal box in case he actually does.
4:37pm WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE!
4:38pm Roadrunner sighting! Beep Beep!
4:53pm Warren announces that we are passing through the town of Hooker. Satchel has questions. "What's a hooker? Did you see a hooker?"
4:54pm Warren announces that the town of Hooker's official mascot is the horny toad.
5:32pm Goodbye Oklahoma, Hello Texas.
5:37pm I announce to the children, "You can go to sleep anytime you want."
5:40pm Satchel falls asleep! It's a miracle! Warren is looking rather sleepy himself.
6:30pm Stop for gas and warren lets me take the wheel!
7:10pm Woohoo--New Mexico!
7:13pm Jiro falls asleep! (How freaking typical that they BOTH fall asleep while I am driving!)
8:53pm Nearly two hours of peace and quiet is over--Satchel is up.
9:08pm Jiro wakes up.
9:10pm Lightening is spotted throughout the horizon. Our driver (still me) gets a bit sweaty.
9:30pm Rain comes down fast and hard and I have to pull over to pee and relinquich the wheel. It's dark, the only place in sight is closed and the temperature has dropped to like 40 degrees. I pee in front of the car under an umbrella.
9:40pm Warren takes the wheel (I did a personal record of 187 miles straight!)
11:00pm Finally arrive in Albuquerque (after TWELVE hours on the road!) only to discover our dear friend Jeremy is without power.
11 comments:
OMG. LIW wrote about having two sisters because she did have two sisters. DUH. But really, there was one of those books in the series about her husband's childhood, which you could argue is good reading for boys. But really, I have to agree with Warren. While the series may not have been written to be marketed to girls, I think the plain truth is that if you're female it's easier to immerse yourself in a book/movie with female characters and vice versa. There are exceptions to the rule of course. I found Saving Private Ryan and Reservoir Dogs completely watchable although there are no female characters.
I'm rambling on about the LIW thing because thinking about a 12-hr road trip with two kids is actually bringing on post-traumatic stress disorder.
Finally, I have been crisscrossing roadrunner territory for years, and I think it's completely unfair that you saw one when I have not. Next you're going to tell me that you drove through Maine and saw a moose.
Warren's just jealous because the Little House on the Prairie books were so awesome and boys didn't have anything comparable.
I've never seen a roadrunner, but I've seen alligators in Alligator Alley (South Florida).
Warren's got a point. Who'd want to read about someone who's different than yourself? I mean, everyone knows that only adolescent wizard boys read Harry Potter.
I once tried to capture a roadrunner using shotgun pellet and a giant, oversized magnet.
The main point of my argument was that I have never EVER seen a male/boy reading a LHOTP book. In grade school I remember dozens of my female classmates reading this series. Ergo, my sexist perspective.
And the TV show--I think it was either watch the Ingalls family watching their crops grow or something more exciting like the 6,000,000$$$$ Man/Bionic Woman...Come on, it's not like the Ingalls sisters were battling vampires and demons every week --now that's a show I would watch.
I think little boys who read the Little House on the Prarie books grew up to admire other Midwesterners, like Dorothy, and the actress who portrayed her.
The LHOTP books are totally appropriate for boys. Really. Try them.
Stacey! You drove through Texas without telling me! Without visiting me! I am CRUSHED!!!!
LSM--we were in TX for about half an hour on this leg--at the very top corner of the state. On our way to OK we only passed through Amarillo. Aren't you down south? I swear if I had thought we were anywhere near you, we would have made a pit stop. Texas is pretty BIG, yk? :)
Try Caddie Woodlawn--she had brothers. And C saw the play on a school field trip last year and loved it.
Clarification--he saw the LHOTP play. And of course, when the teacher asked what everyone's favorite part, he brought up an obscure story that was told by one of the characters about someone named Aloicious (how do you spell that, anyway?)
Okay, it is big and I am in the South. Still.
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