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My home phone rang the other night which always surprises me. Out of curiosity, I answered. Of course it was an automaton wanting me to do a sixty second political poll.
"Okay, sure," I said, feeling charitable about my valuable time.
"Do you plan to vote for Bob Corker in the next election?" the voice asked.
"NO," I said firmly.
"Do you plan to vote for Harold Ford, Jr. in the next election?" it asked.
"YES," I said just as firmly.
"Do you want to have your taxes raised?" it asked. (It only took me a split second to realize this was a trick question.)
"YES," I said.
"Do you want the NRA to continue to protect your right to own a gun?" it pressed.
"NO."
"Do you think America has a foreign immigration problem?"
"NO," I said. (This machine didn't have a chance against me.)
"Do you think terrorists should have the same rights as hard-working American citizens?"
Now it was trying to play dirty.
"YES." (I can play dirty too.)
"Do you think unborn fetuses should be murdered for no reason at all?"
"YES."
There was a long pause where I assume the automaton was supposed to say something about Bob Corker and I sharing the same views.
Finally it asked, "Based on what you now know, do you plan to vote for Bob Corker in the next election?
"NO."
I don't know, why but that survey gave me immense satisfaction.
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7 comments:
And now you're on a watchlist. I'm certain that last pause was when they placed the tap on your phone.
Yeah, I'm voting for Jr. too, of course, but have you really kept up with him lately? Read the article in the Flyer this week? He's a die-hard Republican in disguise!
From the article: "Ford has proved something of a moving target for Republican potshots, however. His political profile, especially over the two- or three-year run-up to his Senate race, has seen him cast so many right-of-center votes -- on Terri Schiavo, on the GOP-inspired bankruptcy bill, on extending the Bush administration's tax cuts, on authorizing the war in Iraq, on approving the so-called torture bill, etc., etc. -- that various organized groups of hard-core Democrats (influential, especially on the blogosphere, but probably marginal numerically) find themselves hard-pressed to give Ford their vote."
What??? Is there ANY issue where he votes with his party?
And this takes the cake, straight out of Jr's mouth: "What Tennesseans will get is a Jesus-loving, gun-supporting believer that family should come first, that taxes should be lowered, and that America should be strong."
You gotta be freaking kidding me. ONLY because of the numbers will I vote for him-- not because I believe in him.
I know, it's really not fair that our choices are Republican or Republicanner. And it sort of creeps me out knowing that most of Jr's votes over the last couple years were in anticipation of this very moment, but hell, he probably does represent a majority of his constituency. Mostly the ones who are surprised that you can be a famous "Junior" yet not drive a stock car.
Has Jr. ever had a job? A real job?
And, thanks, Fertile Ground, the interweb was low on political themed blogs.
I called our congressman's office to tell him he was a douche bag, and they promptly put me on his mailing list. Now I get all these mailers and letters from him detailing his evil plans to take over the world. Jackass. If he wants to spend his bribe money sending me mail, whatevah.
The way I see it, of the 2 candidates, a vote for Jr. is at least a vote in the right (no pun) direction. And despite his many flaws to many yellow dog democrats, Ford is a democrat, and a viable candidate for the Senate.
Some of Jr's "Liberal" qualities: Ford is for universal health care coverage, supports public funding of embryonic stem cell research, opposes drilling in the Alaska Nat. Wildlife Refuge, has supported adoption rights of same-sex couples, and is anti-death penalty. The controversy concerning candidate Ford's democratic values may be moot however, as the latest polls (Zogby, Rasmussen, and CNN) have Porker about to take a double-digit lead over Ford.
Sad to say, but it'll be a very very very very very long time before Tennessee will elect a liberal democrat. The only democrats that can hope to win in the bible belt are conservative blue dawgs, of which Ford is a member...look what happened to Gore when he adopted more "liberal" views on issues such as gun control, abortion rights, and gay rights.
As for being on the watchlist, when Big Brother finally comes to our house to take Stacey away, they'll have to get past two scared dogs, Chucky, a power Ninja, and a pissed off husband well-armed with unwanted magazine subscriptions, deadly dust bunnies, a black cat, sharp kitchen knives and power tools.
Sometimes I wish we had a listed phone number so I'd get some of those calls. I used to field them at my parents' and took great joy in informing the occasional real person calling that I was a baby-eating, seal-clubbing liberal pinko.
Now I just post yard signs for Kinky Friedman and write articles for a state-level independent party newsletter.
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