About that Giraffe...

When people read/hear about my failed attempt to purchase a 9ft giraffe they are shocked. Inevitably they ask, “But what would you do with it?”

“Put it in the dining room,” I say. “Overlooking the dining room table. Just think of the dinner conversation!”

While they stare at me blankly, I amuse myself with a few scenarios.

First scenario:

I tell the kids a “story” about the time a giraffe escaped from the nearby zoo and almost trampled them because they forgot to look both ways before crossing the street. In order to save them, I had to kill the giraffe. I stuffed it as a constant reminder for them to think “safety first.”

They are young enough that I could actually get them to believe this. As they grew older and perpetuated the story, I would become a legend among their friends!

Second scenario:

We frequently have people over for dinner parties where Warren makes something delicious involving meat. During the meal Warren and I regale them with stories from our Peace Corps days and throw in tidbits that cause them to believe that Warren and I had a hand in killing the giraffe. Then we make them question the ingredients on their plate.

“Believe me, it takes a long time to eat an entire giraffe!” I say mysteriously.

The dinner guests are too polite/scared to ask for clarification.

Third scenario:

As I get older and more eccentric, I wrangle my literary friends and start a writing competition centered around the giraffe. I get to keep all the stories and use the material at dinner parties for years to come. I can already imagine how raucous my funeral would be!

The only possible negative associated with these would be if people started buying me all sorts of little giraffe knick knacks and tee shirts and whatnot, thus cheapening the glory of my trophy.

As an aside, a friend told me that the Berry Brooks collection also contains a Polar Bear. I said, "Oh I don't think I could have gotten a polar bear...well, actually that would have been a great way to put a face on global warming!" And then of course, my dinner party conversations would ultimately get me my own Nobel Peace Prize!