Final Travelogue: Oklahoma City to Memphis

I can’t believe that it has taken me longer to blog about this than to live it! Geez. I must get a laptop with wireless Internet before ever leaving the city limits again! Bear with me, this is the last installment!

Stardate: July 1, 2006

9:20am Although we’d all like to stay at Camp Junnie forever, it’s time to hit the road again. (We basically got the boys out of bed and into the car before they could be distracted by the pool or the horses or the dogs or the fun, breakable objects.)
9:30am Jiro says, “I want to go to the playground,” as we pass numerous houses with playsets in plain view.
10:08am At Dunnie’s request, we stop by the family business (Blumenthal’s Transmissions) to have the guys take a look under our hood and make sure everything is properly lubed up. It is.
10:10am Ok, now we’re off!
11:21am Bored, I tally up our miles traveled and money spent on gas thus far. Miles: 2130 (holy shit!). Gas: $205.
11:24am My hair looks like (unreadable scribble).
11:54am It’s hot. I’m menstruating. I’m tired. Everyone is cranky. I’m dwelling on the fact that the housesitter called yesterday to say that the A?C broke at our house. Decide to play some Flat Mountain Girls. (“Are you washed in the soul cleansing blood of the lamb?”)
12:00pm Jiro is asleep!
12:33pm We’re in Arkansas! We’re practically touching Tennessee!
12:50pm Satchel is seriously losing it and so am I. We threaten to chant “Let us out! Let us out!” if Warren doesn’t stop soon.
1:00pm Warren is in love with the Love’s Gas Stations. We are so desperate to get home, we go ahead and eat lunch at the A&W inside the gas station. Satchel is hot to buy a monster truck with the “dollar” that Uncle Doodie gave him. (Dunnie gave each of the monkeys a $50 bill and a $100 bill!!!!!!!!!)
1:45pm I offer (beg) to drive (so I don’t have to deal with the backseat drama).
3:00pm Am forced to pull over (at another Love’s) by Satchel’s insistence that he has to poop. Have the pleasure of standing next to him in a nasty ass stall for a good fifteen minutes. “I want you to drive so I can ask you questions,” he says.
3:20pm Warren has reclaimed the wheel, but I don’t care. We are past Little Rock. It’s the home stretch!
4:35pm We’re picking up Memphis radio stations!
5:06pm As we listen to a NPR story about a man who survived a plane crash in the Andes (and who had to eat humans in order to do it), I look in the rearview mirror to see Jiro covered in blood! Oh, wait. It’s ketchup. (He and Satchel decided to revisit their shunned A&W lunches.)
5:10pm Jiro says, “I want Ani.” (Ani is what Jiro called Jeremy when we were in Albuquerque.)
5:15pm I see Memphis! There is total anarchy in the backseat but I don’t care. I see Memphis! Beautiful beautiful Memphis!
5:16pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?
5:17pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:18pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:19pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:20pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:21pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:22pm Satchel asks, “Are we on the Mississippi bridge yet?”
5:23pm “YES!” I scream.
5:24pm We are officially in Tennessee! We all applaud.
5:25pm Satchel asks, “Can we go to blue playground before we go home?” Jiro follows up with an enthusiastic, “Playground!” I say, “Don’t you want to go home first and see the puppies?” “What puppies?” he asks.
5:30pm Home Sweet Home!

Final odometer reading: 90,210
Total mileage: 2541
Total hours on the road: About 40
Times we thought about using the portable DVD player: 0

Is that crazy or what?

And yes, the A/C was really broken. On a Saturday. During July 4th weekend. But Mike Agee, the coolest air conditioning repair man in the world came over to fix it!

The day after we got back I asked Satchel what his favorite part of the trip was. “Riding in the car,” he said.

“What?” I asked, stunned.

“I liked riding in the car,” he said. “I needed to sleep.”

“But you didn’t really sleep that much in the car,” I reminded him.

“I was so tired,” he said.

“Well what about all of the people we saw? Wasn’t that fun?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Who did you like seeing the best?”

“The puppies.”

“Which puppies?”

“Aunt Junnie’s puppies. Especially the one with three legs.”

Kids!