Yesterday, Jiro provided me with the perfect set up for a column. Unfortunately I am no longer writing a column, so now it's perfect fodder for my blog.
A little background...Jiro is stubborn as a mule, but also so very sensitive. I like to think he gets this from Warren, but I guess I'm the same way. Every week we have to battle it out about Taekwondo. He never wants to go and always has some reason why he can't. However, we signed a contract and if I am paying, he is going! He usually does fine until testing time rolls around. He has no trouble learning his patterns, sparring, and he even enjoys breaking boards, but he loathes memorizing the meanings that go with each pattern. He is a very strong reader and has no problem remembering them once he sets his mind to it, but he has such a huge (unreasonable) fear of failure that it is always a struggle.
So this is testing week, which means he really cannot talk his way out of class AND he has to learn his meaning, so emotions are running high. I managed to get him in his uniform by sticking to my guns and starting a pot of macaroni & cheese. As I was finishing up the mac & cheese, he asked if he could have one of the mini chocolate cupcakes that Warren had brought home from a party over the weekend. I said "sure" and went about my business.
Then I heard Jiro's signature, "OHMYGOD!" (Which he probably also got from me.)
"What?" I said, alarmed.
"I GOT CUPCAKE ON MY PANTS AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO THINK IT IS POOP!" he wailed.
As you may or may not know, the Taekwondo uniforms are white. I rushed over to see the damage before he could go bury himself in his covers (and get cupcake all over the bed too). Thankfully it was just a tiny stain on the seam of his pants. I went to get a wet towel and he started wailing again, "I DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO THINK I PEED TOO!"
At this point we had about five minutes to get to class and my patience was at an all-time low. Yes, I felt for him, but it's always something. Plus, I really didn't think it was going to be noticeable.
I started with the motherly advice...
"No one is going to see it. If they do, just tell them it is a cupcake stain!"
Which quickly devolved into desperation.
"If someone says something mean, just tell them that they are stupi...wait...don't say that. Look, no one is going to say anything! I promise!"
During this whole episode, big brother Satchel was not being helpful at all. There was a time when Satchel, having developed his superego, was very good about realizing that his brother was sensitive and that his poor mother often needed help getting him on board with Team Oster's plans. That time has passed. Now big brother Satchel prefers to add insult to injury. He made matters worse by saying things like, "You are such a baby, Jiro!"
How I got Jiro in the car I will never know. Okay maybe I said something like, "I'll give you $10 if anyone says anything mean." Or maybe that's what I said to get him OUT of the car at the studio. Because in the parking lot I also had to deal with his latest fear of "EVERYONE IS GOING TO KNOW THAT I WAS CRYING!"
I usually just drop the boys off at the studio, but I offered to stay and watch/protect him from the mean old taekwondo students. Even that didn't appease Jiro. He replied, "You said you would watch last time and you just talked to the other mom instead!" So I promised to stand guard should anyone even think about saying anything to my baby. We wiped his tears off, and went inside.
This is the part where I had some serious maternal guilt. Was it the meanest thing ever to make him go in? Or was I building character?
I was proud of him for sucking it up, and once inside he seemed fine. I stood right by the railing and watched for a good ten to fifteen minutes. Jiro went through all of his patterns, got his stripe, and seemed quite happy. Then he snuck over to where I was and said, "I know Satchel told Connor. I saw him laughing at me."
I looked over at Satchel and called him over to me. Reluctantly he came over. "Did you tell Connor?" I asked, incredulous.
"No!" he said, smirking. He smirks when he lies.
"I can't believe you!!" I said in my meanest whisper.
"I promise," he said, trying to control the smirk. "We're just goofing off."
Now, I didn't see Connor laughing at Jiro, just laughing. And I didn't see a ripple effect of Connor telling every other kid in class. So, I let Satchel off of the hook.
But still! How sad that Jiro doesn't trust his brother? And how sad that Satchel was totally not sympathetic?
I had to stretch back in my brain to my own childhood. Was I that mean to my sister? Was she that mean to me? Probably. Do we still love each other? Yes.
Anyways, class ended and there was no one teasing or looking at Jiro. He still thought Satchel ratted him out, but there was no proof, so we just moved on.
Later when relayed the story to Warren, he simply reminded Satchel of the time he sharted in his pants at Chik-fil-A.
End of discussion.
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